Friday, February 14, 2014

   So today I've decided to write a post here, mostly to toot my own horn and doing it on Facebook just didn't seem like the forum for it. It is the 27th anniversary of getting sober for me and I really felt like I wanted say some things about it. Every year my ideas about staying sober change. It is and evolving concept for me.
I was 27 years old when I stopped and once I quit, I never started again, thank God! I was young and it was really difficult for me at the time, but I followed directions and used AA for many years to stay sober. Eventually, because the 12 steps are about spirituality, I evolved out of needing AA and "recovery" to continue remaining drug and alcohol free. However, AA is where I became a "seeker", and remain one today. I became permanently on the path of my own spiritual awakening and it has become the soul focus of my life. I've discovered that the word recovery denotes a feeling in me that something was innately wrong with me, and I feel that some of the ideas in 12 step recovery perpetuate that. After some time, I realized that the only thing wrong is my thinking, but of course that took years. I never would have gotten to the point of knowing that unless I had come through a traditional 12 step program, so I'm grateful to AA because of it.
I have remained drug and alcohol free through enormous difficulties over the years, the most difficult being the death of my daughter at 25 of complications of Cystic Fibrosis and a double lung transplant. My daughter was ill all her life, and raising her was challenging to say the least, but because my life was focused on a spiritual path, I discovered over and over again what and incredible gift those challenges where. I have been blessed with the awareness to know this and I would not change a minute of it.
I know this now, that every hardship, every single tiny thing that makes me uncomfortable is and opportunity to move into grace, to raise my vibration, to become more at one with God or the universe, or whatever you choose to call it. That process keeps on going for me. Sometimes it seems like one step forward, two steps back, but eventually I come to new and deeper awareness's about myself.
It's been kind of like 'whack- a- mole" with addiction too. Seven years ago I quit a 30 year addiction to cigarettes and now I'm dealing with a weight problem because of my compulsion with food. So no, I haven't reached Nirvana! I am however getting glimpses of it more and more often. I actually understand and am somewhat grateful for my struggles because I know they come from my own soul. They are mine, they are sacred turf.
So here's to me on the cusp of my 55th birthday next month, with lots more to learn about life and love. Happy 27th year sober!