Sunday, November 29, 2009

Macaroni Love

there are some things
that speak about your life like photographs
brought out of the dust in December

This one is from my mother
I bought this the year we were married
some are no longer pretty
mice chewed the macaroni

each holds a space in time
some too dear to think of
falling and whirling in waves

one by one
they are symbols

of a lifetime of love

Thursday, November 26, 2009

All American 55

Today on Thanksgiving I brushed my teeth over a brand  new, white, porcelain, sink.
 We Americans are the only ones who have Thanksgiving.
  I wonder how many people in the world have a white sink with chrome faucets.
 I wonder how much food you could buy in Africa with the money we spent on that.

Join in  and write a Friday flash 55. Then report to the G-Man.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


God is always speaking, whether or not I'm listening.
Sometimes the radio dial
Is tuned into the station
The music streams in loud and clear
With all its colors

Where does the static come from
I'm usually speaking too loud

Am I hearing, or listening
Am I too busy trying to tell you what I know
Which is nothing

I'm playing with the dial
I have nothing to say

Monday, November 23, 2009


Yesterday I recieved  not one, but two count'em, 2, blog awards! The first was from our friend Keith, A.K.A. Monkey-Man. which is pretty cool because I really like his blog and I think he's a talented writer. He didn't have a clue that I was having a really bad day yesterday and his timing was perfect. Then, Patty,at Calm Acceptance ,who did know how I was feeling yesterday sent me some more love and another award! Isn't blogging the coolest?! I mean really, this group of people out here in cyberspace is so important to me sometimes. It means so much that you guys are out there reading whatever I write and take the time to comment and share. It's a very cool thing. I was feeling so depressed yesterday, just super down and there you guys were. It's simple stuff, these little awards, but they do feel great to get and I appreciate them very much.
Keith's award requires seven things you don't know about me. ( after all the crap I write , I wonder if there's anything left! Jeez!) So I'll start there.

  1. I was married to Patty's brother for 10 years. We met in AA. He was sober for over a year and going against his sponsor's advice, he asked me out when I had 7 months sober. Everybody told us not to get married.  We married a year later. He is a good guy and was a good step dad to Annie. I also think we did a good job staying married for ten years considering how much we had to learn. Life's a funny thing. I'm glad Patty is my almost relative and is part of my life. Annie loved her very much too. Patty introduced me to blogging which has really turned into something very, very important for me. Thanks Girlfriend.
  2. When I was working as a counselor, I would have to hide my motorcycle helmet in a tote bag when I went to work so the clients wouldn't see it because my helmet stickers were inappropriate to say the least. I would also start my Sportster up when I left right under the group rooms of one of my co-workers when I would leave. I had drags on it. It was brappy loud and it would seriously piss her off. Hee hee. I couldn't stand her. I know, some of us are sicker than others.
  3. I haven't' changed the pipes on the new bike yet because it voids the HD warranty if you don't have them do it, which is pricey. My old bike was so loud it rattled the windows. This one is stock and you know what? I kinda like it. Hmmm...
  4. I'm too fat for my chaps.
  5. I believe in ghosts and have had many paranormal experiences throughout my life.
  6. I'm really good at knowing if someone is lying. You can't bullshit a bullshitter. 
  7. I used to love to dance and always was the first person on the dance floor. I didn't care if you were looking at me, but ever since Annie died, I rarely feel like it anymore and that makes me sad. I can't make myself feel like it either. It was a form of self expression I can't explain.
Now to pass these on. First, From me to You goes to Patty. Just sending some love back to you because your comment meant more to me than you know. Thank you. And the other goes back to Monkey-Man Keith, for the exact same reason. Thank you so much.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Yee Haw!

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that I love cowboys. I really do. When I was little I "played" cowboy often.  I wanted to be a boy. Pretending to be a cowboy made me about the best kind of boy I could imagine. They first of all rode horses all day, which was the best part. They were hero's and usually saved the day. I always watched every western on TV when I was little. My mother would call whatever we were having to eat "cowboy stew" or "cowboy spaghetti" to get me to eat it. I wish I had that problem now... 
Here's an interesting little tidbit of history for all of you. When I was 3 years sober I was going to group therapy for stage II recovery issues. Back then you could actually get your insurance to pay for that. Anyway, I was lucky enough to be sent to a very posh 28 day treatment center called Sierra Tuscon in Arizona for adult child of alcoholic treatment, ( yeah, 28 days too). I had never been out west in my life. Well one of the many perks of this absolutely gorgeous place was being able to go horseback riding in the Arizona desert. I was there in the spring. It was breathtaking. I went trail riding almost every day. This was like a childhood dream come true. It was just like being in the movies every morning. The cowboys who worked there were rather inspirational too!  My recovery was truly shaped by that experience by the way. Not the cowboys but the actual treatment I had there. That's fodder for another post, back to the cowboys.
I think I love cowboys because they represent what a man was supposed to be.The ideal. The men I saw on the screen were courageous, they had integrity, they rescued the girl from the bad guy and  the endings were always happy. I love manly men, period. I'm not impressed by a guy in a business suite as much as I am with one wearing chaps! Ha!

Monday, November 16, 2009

My Knight In Shining Amor

I'm really needing to talk about my husband this morning. I think he is the most amazing person I know. He is definately my favorite human being.
We are remodeling our bathroom. I am so excited about it. ( I know, it's riveting stuff) Honestly though, I am always so impressed with Jay. He's the kind of guy who can fix just about anything. If my car breaks down, he can fix it. If the toaster won't toast, he can fix it. When my heart was broken, Jay fixed it. In fact, on that score, he's done it over and over again
My husband is a millwright at his job, and he is also the head of maintainence for the company he works for. That means he fixes everything including the machines. Plumbing, heating, building maintenence, making sure the parking lot gets plowed, ordering all the machinning supplies, you name it, he does it. He's super busy at work most of the time.
Let me tell you what kind of guy he is though. If I call him in the middle of the day with some petty issue, he's always kind, and thoughtful. He rarely speaks harshly to me no matter how crazy he might be at that moment.
This is definately not always the case with me I'm sad to say. I admire him. I adore him.
So, all weekend he busted his butt on our bathroom. He's done all the carpentry work and all the plumbing. I've done the painting and I'll be doing the clean up today, but it's nothing compared to what he's doing. I'm so grateful that he knows how to do all these things. We don't have to pay to have someone else do it, which is one of the reasons I don't have to be working right now. I do know how lucky I am. I do not take him for granted.
Every day I learn what love is from this beautiful person who decided to marry me for some crazy reason. I'm realizing as I write this that I could keep talking about him on and on. I guess I just wanted you all to know that I'm feeling in love and happy.

Friday, November 13, 2009

10 Honest Things

Here are 10 honest things for our good friend at Enchantedoak Thank you again. It feels really good to have someone call me honest. I consider myself honest, probably to a fault most of the time. So here goes:

  1. I also play music really loud when I clean the house. My current favorite is Kings Of Leon. Their music is great and they're just plain hot. ( I usually stop and dance in front of a mirror from time to time too.)
  2. I sing songs to my dog in a weird voice. I've had weird little songs for every pet I've ever owned and I've done this since I was little. Trust me, you NEVER want to hear this. I'm not sure that my dog does either.
  3. I get very excited when I find cloths that really fit. I am 6' tall. I rarely have cloths on that fit the way they're supposed to. The legs are too short, or the sleeves are too short. I always have to do some kind of cover up or whatever to mask this problem with most outfits. It gets really old.
  4. I always know who's calling when the phone rings. If it's a stranger, I know it's a stranger. My husband always looks at me to hear who it is before he goes to look at the caller ID.
  5. I love lipstick and probably have at least 100 tubes of it. I'm sad that I look ridiculus in some of the colors I used to be able to wear.
  6. Ice cream is my favorite food.
  7. I hate TV. I haven't had TV in my house for about 15 years.
  8. I would love to go to Africa. My all time favorite movie scene is in "Out of Africa" where they are flying over the plain and Meryl Streep takes Robert Redford's hand. I cry every single time I see it and I've owned the movie since it was first released.
  9. I love cowboy boots. (I love cowboys too)
  10. I'm artistic and I'm asking for an acrylic painting class for Christmas.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Tree Hugger

I was driving around with a friend last weekend and as we drove I kept pointing out different trees to her. I was saying stuff like, "See those locusts, around that farmhouse? They always make me think of a Currier and Ives print.", or, "Look at that oak. Did you see the size of that? It must be at least 200 years old." Later I thought that I really have a "thing' for trees and I actually know a little about them. I'm drawn to trees, old ones especially. Actually I'm a plant freak and have had several jobs involving them. Trees speak to me in a language I can "hear" but cannot explain.
I grew up in a farm house that was built in the 1800's and our very large yard was full of a variety of trees. We had a yellow apple tree, two bartlett pears, a syckle pear, two mullberries, two huge popples, (which were struck by lightning more than once),a catalpa, a white birch, and a weeping birch, two sugar maples, three white oaks, one soft maple, a plum and a hickory nut tree. I don't think I forgot any. I could still tell you many details about every one of these. I spent a lot of time in and around them all. I was wondering who taught their names to me, my dad I guess. When I walk in the woods I can identify most of the trees and plants around me. It's important to me to know this. They matter to me. I can tell you about various trees or stands of trees in differnt places I frequent. Like, there are two huge beech trees in two different yards in my home town. The biggest elm tree in the county is in the town I live in now.There is a stand of old growth hemlocks in a park I ride to on the bike. There are 3 massive oaks in a triangle of land heading into Ithaca on Route13. There are a couple of very old oaks we go looking for "hen of the woods" mushrooms on in the beginning of fall. I could go on and on here. The point I'm making is I notice these things just like I would notice an interesting person. In fact I probaly have better relationships with the trees in my life than the people. That speaks volumes, doesn't it? They're easier. Trees make me happier much of the time too and they always have.

I know how riveting this post was for all of you. I admit that I'm a  "tree hugger" and I bet I'm not the only one.

Friday, November 6, 2009


This is one of the last of my fall pictures. The leaves are pretty much gone now. This is a stateland road where me and the dog go most mornings. It's my new wallpaper shot. Just sharing. (Hey, remember that old Cracker Jacks commercial? Where the dad asks"What'd you learn in school today? and the little kid says"Sharing." That's the voice in my head. He he)

 Don't forget to click on it. Let's take a walk.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Little Things

I was sitting having my coffee this morning and was thinking about the upcomming holidays and what I wanted to do for them.  My thoughts skipped around and I realised that there are certain things that always make me feel happy inside. Here are some of those things in the random order they came to me;

  • Cookie cutters
  • My dog Macy
  • Riding my bike without a helmet (sorry Lou)
  • Landscapes
  • My stupid pink fake crocs that I wear around the house
  • Annie's art supplies
  • Particularly Prisma Color pencils
  • Peanut butter
  • My dear friend Barb, who I've known my whole life
  • The wood stove
  • My goofy husband
  • Good coffee
  • Recipes
  • The absolute joy of not working right now

There's more of course but that's kind of where my head went today. Hope you all think of some little things that make you feel good today.

Monday, November 2, 2009

For Pam and her mom

I'm sending prayers to our blogger friend Pam and her mom this morning.